The most intense period of my 2019 cancer and chemo journey lasted just six months. Although it was rough, I met many people at the cancer clinic who had it much worse. Some had already been dealing with cancer for decades, facing the prospect of chemo or radiation for the rest of their lives. Others had been told they only had a few months to live.
One of the unexpected benefits of my cancer journey was finding out who my true friends were. My kids came from far away to help me during chemo: Molly from San Diego, Abbie from New Zealand, and Ben from Sacramento. My brother Bob and his wife Linda came from Ohio to spend a week with me. My dad’s widow Delores drove from Florida and was a huge help during one of the chemo weeks.
They rose to the occasion, and I’m incredibly grateful to each one of them.
And then there were my friends here in the Charlotte area. Some drove me to medical appointments. Others brought me food. A few sat with me during the chemo drips or provided me with lunch. One even brought bagels for all the infusion nurses – a thoughtful gesture reflecting the love of Jesus.
Good friends are priceless. If you’re fortunate enough to have people like this in your life, you’re a wealthy person, no matter what hardships you’re going through.
But during this period I also discovered that some people weren’t the close friends I thought they were. When the battle was on, they surprisingly seemed AWOL. I’m sure they each had their reasons, but it was eye-opening.
I’m sympathetic to those who didn’t rally around me during cancer and chemo. They had their own lives, families, and jobs to attend to. And, like me, some people are very uncomfortable being around sickness and medical facilities. Although we want to be an encouragement, sometimes we struggle to know how to get involved or what to say to someone facing a life-threatening illness.
Greeting the “Friends”
I recently read a beautiful statement about friendship: “I hope to see you shortly, and we shall speak face to face. Peace to you. Our friends greet you. Greet the friends by name” (3 John 1:14).
So simple, yet so profound.
This Bible verse reminded me of several experiences I’ve had attending megachurches. Shortly after giving my life to Christ, I got involved in a large church in Ohio. “Praise the Lord, brother!” two burly men enthusiastically greeted me at the door each week.
As a new believer, this felt wonderful. “Wow,” I said to myself, “These guys don’t even know me, yet they already recognize me as a brother in Christ!”
Four years later, they were still calling me “brother.” They had never taken the time to learn my name.
Many years later, I attended a megachurch in the Carolinas for six years. Although the worship and preaching were enjoyable, I had no real friends after all that time. Instead of any “face to face” fellowship, each week I just encountered the back of someone’s head in the row in front of me.
The greeters at the megachurch were certainly friendly enough, yet there was no one I could greet “by name.” And, devoid of close personal relationships, there was no way we could “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2).
After experiences like these, I eventually decided I wanted a church life that included true friends. I’m basically an introvert, so for a while I’d been willing to forego this feature of healthy church involvement. But when you’re going through a health crisis or some other storm of life, you realize that good friends are not just nice to have – they’re indispensable.
I’ve always been amazed by the Mark 2:1-12 story of Jesus healing a paralyzed man. The miracle happened after the man’s four friends carried him through town, hoisted him upon the roof of the house where Jesus was teaching, then dug a hole in the roof so they could lower their friend to the Master’s feet.
Do you have any friends like that? Friends who will go to great trouble to bring you to a place where you can be healed?
More Than Facebook Friends
I hate to break it to you, but your Facebook friends are unlikely to come to your aid when you’re going through a tough time. You need relationships much deeper than that. If given the choice, you should gladly be willing to trade hundreds or even thousands of Facebook friends for just one or two genuine comrades.
Not to boast, but I currently have more than 4,000 Facebook friends. That may give a slight boost to my ego, but here’s the reality: Most of these are “friends” I’ve never even met!
My account on X is even more impressive, and my @BestBibleTweets account has over 40,000 followers. Yet it seems very few of these “followers” actually read the inspiring things I post.
Recently, I’ve ventured into the strange world of TikTok. In just a few months, I’ve gained over 1,000 followers. In a few cases, I think people have been impacted by my posts. But not many.
Reflecting on my experiences on social media, I’m tempted to quote the famous words of King Solomon: “Vanity of vanities, all is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:2). If everything was already “vanity” back then, he would be horrified to see us now.
My conclusion is this: Unless you’ve been investing in quality friendships when times are good, you can’t really complain if no one comes to your aid when the storm comes. Relationships are like deposits in a bank account – you can’t expect to withdraw if you’ve never bothered to put anything into the other person’s account.
Solomon said it this way: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). You see, it’s only during adversity when you discover who your true friends are. Your fair-weather friends quickly fall away, leaving only a few people who “love at all times.”
If you don’t presently have any friends like this, I encourage you to start today on a new resolution to invest in others. Take time to BE a true friend, and eventually you will HAVE true friends.
Yes, friendship seems a lost art these days. But you and I can start a counterrevolution to bring it back!
Great reminder of the value of true friends. I know in my lowest moment of life those who stayed with me and even walked through my painful rock bottom are people that I hold a special place in my heart. When I did a lot of social media, I can see now what an illusion “spending time with people “online was for me. It never satisfied. Until I was truly real with people, sharing my weaknesses and sins with trusted friends (and experiencing their acceptance and love ) did I experience intimacy and the feeling of being known. That has removed the a large part of loneliness in my life.
You experience the same thing when you get old……or when you lose your spouse. These things sort of separate the wheat from the tares. Your life sort of comes to an end, but life goes on for everyone else. And even when your life and another person’s life touch, it is not the same. When you are sick or alone or in distress, you find yourself in a sort of box. People might look into the box for a visit, but they seldom get into the box with you. Thank you for the insight you shared in this article.