Love-Starved but Love-Resistant

Love hard heart

I recently discovered a strange phenomenon: People who are the most starved for love usually are resistant to receiving love when it’s offered to them.

This is like California or Texas after a long-term drought. When rain finally comes, the ground is so hard that it can’t properly soak up the water. Instead of being a blessing, the rain sometimes causes a flood!

Have you ever tried to show love to someone who was extremely love-starved? If so, the person probably either rejected your love or latched onto it in a completely unhealthy way. If you doubt me on this, talk to some of your friends who’ve ventured into the world of online dating…

The love-resistant principle is illustrated in the life of one of the Bible’s most fascinating characters, Mephibosheth. This son of Jonathan was crippled at age five and after his father’s death on the same day, he was exiled to a desolate wasteland called Lo Debar.

One day King David started wondering if any of Saul and Jonathan’s heirs remained, and he was told about this woeful, exiled prince (2 Samuel 9). David was intent on finding this forgotten young man and showing him kindness.

But although kindness was something Mephibosheth desperately needed, there was just one problem: this crippled son of David’s friend Jonathan was love-resistant. Like a Type 2 diabetic who’s insulin-resistant despite needing more insulin, he was emotionally unable to absorb the very thing he so clearly needed.

We really shouldn’t be too surprised. For several years this man had grown up in squalor and hopelessness. Lame in both legs, he was completely dependent on others. Day after day, his condition reminded him of his great loss, which occurred at no fault of his own.

So what happened when Mephibosheth was brought before the king?

Shuffling and stammering, not looking him in the eye, Mephibosheth said, “Who am I that you pay attention to a stray dog like me?” (v. 8 MSG).

How sad. After years of deprivation, this dispirited, love-starved man judged himself to be a loser, unworthy of kindness from the king or anyone else. Instead of being heir to the throne, now he felt of no more value than a stray dog!

Can you blame him? After all, he couldn’t hold a job…couldn’t produce anything…couldn’t even walk! In the eyes of most people in that period of time, he was WORTHLESS, plain and simple—and that’s how he saw himself as well.

As the story makes clear, Mephibosheth was crippled in both of his feet. But if we read between the lines, we realize that he was even more crippled emotionally. Instead of seeing himself as a prince, he was a pauper, completely unlovable.

Oh, but David’s love—like God’s love for us—was not to be denied. Despite the deplorable condition of this man, both physically and psychologically, the king persisted in his plan to RESTORE him to what he had lost.

That’s good news, because we’ve ALL suffered losses of various kinds. Thankfully, King Jesus offers to bring us from Lo Debar, bringing us restoration rather than judgment.

This story has a beautiful conclusion: “So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem, for he ate continually at the king’s table” (v. 13). No longer dwelling in the spiritual wasteland of Lo Debar, the crippled prince once again ate at the king’s table, just like one of David’s sons.

Are you starving for love today? Remember the story of this dejected young man whose hard emotional shell finally gave way to the relentless kindness of God. When you let the King shower you with His love, it will open the corridors of your heart to experience love from other people as well.

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A Nation Without Discrimination (Is That What We Really Want?)

Based on recent news reports and political talk shows, I’ve concluded that a growing number of Americans want us to be a nation without discrimination. While you probably think a discrimination-free country is a very good objective, you need to be careful what you wish for.

Let me explain…

According to dictionaries, to “discriminate” means to differentiate or make a distinction. So we can reframe my original question like this: Do you really want a country where no one can differentiate or make distinctions?

The entire Bible is a book of distinctions: God vs. Satan, light vs. darkness, good vs. evil, right vs. wrong, faith vs. unbelief, and so on. In fact, the very first test given to the human family was to discriminate between two trees, one that would lead to life and the other to death (Genesis 2:16-17). Failing to discriminate properly, Adam and Eve made the wrong choice, leading to disastrous consequences.

A nation without any discrimination would be a nation of anarchy. Nothing right. Nothing wrong. Everyone setting their own moral compass without fear of contradiction, because it’s politically incorrect, or even illegal, to say otherwise.

This problem can be illustrated by my annual eye and ear checkup a few months ago. While my senses are in pretty good shape for my age, I had to come to grips with my declining ability to discriminate. When they showed me the eye chart, I could see all the letters, of course. But when the letters were too small, I couldn’t differentiate between “M’s” and “N’s,” “C’s” and “G’s.”

The same thing happened when my ears were tested. I could hear all the sounds, but sometimes I couldn’t distinguish one from another.

You see, discrimination is a great thing when you’re using it properly. It’s terrible if you can’t differentiate between letters or between sounds.

Again, the Bible warns against blurring the lines when it comes to moral absolutes: What sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil, that dark is light and light is dark, that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter” (Isaiah 5:20 NLT). Instead of bringing freedom and happiness, the result of this kind of nondiscrimination is sorrow and confusion.

None of us wants to be known as a critical, judgmental person (Matthew 7:1-5). However, a normal and extremely valuable part of life is the ability to distinguish between things bearing good fruit and things bearing evil fruit (Matthew 7:15-20).

When Discrimination Goes Wrong

Just as the Bible strongly warns that we must discriminate at times, it also makes it clear that we must NOT discriminate based on the wrong criteria.

For example, the apostle Paul writes, In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ” (Galatians 3:26-29 MSG). These were quite revolutionary words at the time! People were discriminating based on invalid distinctions, and Paul rebuked them for not recognizing their inherent equality in Christ.

Martin Luther King Jr. put this in perspective when he said people should be judged based on “the content of their character” rather than the color of their skin. So true. Nor should we judge people based on their gender, ethnicity, or income level.

But today many people have missed a vital component of King’s message. He didn’t say people shouldn’t be evaluated at all. Nor was this a “different strokes for different folks” kind of message.

MLK, in stark contrast to many pundits today, was proclaiming our right to evaluate, discriminate, and judge based on the content of people’s character and the fruit of their deeds. When we’re no longer able to do that, our nation will quickly descend into an abyss of chaos and moral relativism.

One More Thing

So I would argue that the Bible gives us every right to discriminate, if our discrimination is based on the right criteria. For example, since we’re told that “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV), it’s necessary to have discernment about what “bad company” looks like.

Yet many well-meaning Bible-believers have left out an indispensable part of the equation. They excel at pointing out the bad behavior all around them, but they’ve forgotten another principle found throughout the Scriptures: “As we have opportunity, let us do good to ALL people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers” (Galatians 6:10 NIV).

This means we have no license to be mean to those we disagree with! Quite the contrary, we are called to “do good” to EVERYONE, whenever we have an opportunity. This means showing them love and respect. It means serving them, even when we adamantly disagree with their beliefs or their lifestyle.

You don’t have to throw out your biblical beliefs or spiritual discernment in order to do this. It’s possible to walk in BOTH grace and truth, just as your Lord modeled so perfectly.

 

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Thanksgiving, Ferguson, and the Kindness of God

 

This Thanksgiving I find myself reflecting on the responsibilities we all have when we realize how blessed we are. On this day when we recount the blessings we’ve received from God, it’s also a great time to ask ourselves how we can BE a blessing to others (Genesis 12:2).

One day King David woke up with this same quest on his mind: “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, to whom I may show the kindness of God?” (2 Samuel 9:3)

If you know David’s story, he had experienced lots of hardships on his way to becoming king and fulfilling his destiny. As part of God’s training process, he had overcome lions, bears, giants, and a deranged, homicidal king. At times he had to run for his life, living in caves and other dark places.

But by the time we get to this episode in 2 Samuel 9, David was feeling overwhelmed by how much God had blessed him. He recognized that he had abundantly received “the kindness of God.” And as a natural by-product, he wanted to find someone to share the blessings with.

Sounds something like Thanksgiving, doesn’t it?

David had a particular desire to bless those from the lineage of his former enemy, King Saul. What a great example this is for us. Perhaps there’s someone you need to reach out to who was once your nemesis. Maybe there was friction or suspicion in the past, but it’s time to overcome all of that with kindness and generosity.

Remember the Pilgrims and the Native Americans? Talk about cultural differences! But what if we could reenact that same kind of spirit in our cities today, where police officers and the black community sat down to break bread and share their resources together?

In David’s case, the options were pretty limited. It turned out that the only person left of Saul descendants was a bitter, crippled man named Mephibosheth.  This son of Jonathan was living in a desolate place called Lo Debar, and his self-image was so low that he considered himself no better than a “dead dog” (v. 8).

Just the kind of person you should invite to your home for Thanksgiving, don’t you think?!

Remember: When you’re looking for people to show kindness to, they might not be the easiest people to love! In fact, you can count on the fact that the people who need love the most will be the hardest to love.

But love them anyway.

Mephibosheth was described to David in such a way that the king might have been reluctant to get involved with such an unsavory character. Yet David immediately had the man brought to Jerusalem to eat at the king’s table—just as if Mephibosheth was one of David’s own sons (v. 11).

Thanksgiving is a time for families, of course. But it also can be a great time to invite someone else to sit at your table, as David did with Mephiboseth.

I’m feeling blessed today, and I hope you are as well. If so, is there someone you can show the kindness of God?

 

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